To Do Lists
I haven't been writing as regularly as I had been in previous week. Today, I finally admitted to myself it was because I've been avoiding confronting certain unsavory feelings that have been weighing on me like an overstuffed schoolbag.
A few days ago, I finally cracked open Anne Bogel's highly anticipated new book, "I'd Rather Be Reading" in which she discusses the various quirks and habits of devoted book lovers. Reading this book made me think more deeply about how books have uniquely shaped the person I am today: my own quirks and values, thought processes, and most prominently, my priorities. The reason I've been thinking so much about how my priorities shape my life is because I've recently been exposed to people with a different assembly of priorities than mine. Anne Bogel's novel connected the concept of priorities and reading for me in her chapter in which she discusses reading deadlines; if libraries didn't enforce due dates on their books, people would take ages to finish a book.
Strange that I never considered it before, but I realized with acute clarity that it is only with deadlines that I truly learned how to be productive. It's the only way I learned to prioritize the various elements in my life and thereby take action. University taught me that too, in a very administrative way. With an allotted slice of time and an endless list of things to address, one needs to decide which is the most important or time sensitive. Now, let's put this into a larger perspective: our lives. We possess approximately eighty years to live on this earth, if we are lucky. There is no possibility for extension or renewal. Are our lives not deadlines? On a day-to-day basis, perhaps we don't think about this. I certainly don't, not with the frantic urgency I might dedicate to work-related tasks or school projects. But at the risk of sounding slightly morbid, reading so many books have taught me pretty early on that this biological deadline is a lot shorter than I imagine it to be. How many novels have I read in which characters unexpectedly die early? How many love stories have I read in which people spend years together, loving each other, only to wake up one morning and decide the opposite? How many books have I read in which the protagonist's life abruptly falls apart with no warning? Too, too many. If not all.
I think one of the most important things books have taught me (and I do not say this lightly when I say it might perch at the very top of that list) is to cherish everything you have when you have it. Right now. We don't often think about it, but life changes all the time and without warning sometimes, and tomorrow the things you cherish might not be there as it is now. And to bring this reflection back to the subject of priorities, this "take nothing for granted" attitude wholly influences the way I list mine.
People.
The people I love will always be at the top of the list, and yes, that includes myself. People are the ever-changing variables, the one thing we can never truly trust to remain the same; to love and be loved by one person is a blessing I try not to ever discount for less than what it's worth. Because tomorrow they might be gone. I might be gone. Tomorrow I might love myself a little less. Things like travel, work, hobbies, school... they are all important aspects that can enrich a life or spoil it. Truly, I don't mean to say they are not important, because they are. Maybe I'm biased and others out there think I'm silly for placing loved ones on a pedestal overlooking my other priorities. But if my eighty year deadline for being on this earth is suddenly cut short tomorrow, or even in the next instant, I know I would not regret prioritizing the love I've nurtured and enjoyed between people who are currently in my life and the ones who have already left it. I have loved my books, painting, experiences, job, and education... but they will not love me back. They will not miss me when I am gone.
The difficult part is when others in your life don't share that same outlook, I suppose. It's not wrong, of course. I'm learning to be more flexible when it comes to having a social circle of people who fundamentally disagree with me, but it's still hard. If you place lower on someone's priority list, does that mean they love you less? Does that mean you love them more? My immediate thought is that it does, especially since I believe that my time is a precious, limited commodity and given the limited hours I have in a day, I want to devote my time to things most important to me. But maybe I'm wrong, I don't know. It's hard to be sure of myself these days when I feel challenged on almost every front.
It also dawned on me that it will be October in three days. 2018 has felt like the fastest year of my life; if there was ever a year in my life that most shaped me as a person, I feel like this year is it. I definitely am a different person now than when this year started. A better one, I hope. With all this internal change, I'm just afraid one day I'll have changed so much I won't know myself anymore. Already I feel halfway there.
A few days ago, I finally cracked open Anne Bogel's highly anticipated new book, "I'd Rather Be Reading" in which she discusses the various quirks and habits of devoted book lovers. Reading this book made me think more deeply about how books have uniquely shaped the person I am today: my own quirks and values, thought processes, and most prominently, my priorities. The reason I've been thinking so much about how my priorities shape my life is because I've recently been exposed to people with a different assembly of priorities than mine. Anne Bogel's novel connected the concept of priorities and reading for me in her chapter in which she discusses reading deadlines; if libraries didn't enforce due dates on their books, people would take ages to finish a book.
Strange that I never considered it before, but I realized with acute clarity that it is only with deadlines that I truly learned how to be productive. It's the only way I learned to prioritize the various elements in my life and thereby take action. University taught me that too, in a very administrative way. With an allotted slice of time and an endless list of things to address, one needs to decide which is the most important or time sensitive. Now, let's put this into a larger perspective: our lives. We possess approximately eighty years to live on this earth, if we are lucky. There is no possibility for extension or renewal. Are our lives not deadlines? On a day-to-day basis, perhaps we don't think about this. I certainly don't, not with the frantic urgency I might dedicate to work-related tasks or school projects. But at the risk of sounding slightly morbid, reading so many books have taught me pretty early on that this biological deadline is a lot shorter than I imagine it to be. How many novels have I read in which characters unexpectedly die early? How many love stories have I read in which people spend years together, loving each other, only to wake up one morning and decide the opposite? How many books have I read in which the protagonist's life abruptly falls apart with no warning? Too, too many. If not all.
I think one of the most important things books have taught me (and I do not say this lightly when I say it might perch at the very top of that list) is to cherish everything you have when you have it. Right now. We don't often think about it, but life changes all the time and without warning sometimes, and tomorrow the things you cherish might not be there as it is now. And to bring this reflection back to the subject of priorities, this "take nothing for granted" attitude wholly influences the way I list mine.
People.
The people I love will always be at the top of the list, and yes, that includes myself. People are the ever-changing variables, the one thing we can never truly trust to remain the same; to love and be loved by one person is a blessing I try not to ever discount for less than what it's worth. Because tomorrow they might be gone. I might be gone. Tomorrow I might love myself a little less. Things like travel, work, hobbies, school... they are all important aspects that can enrich a life or spoil it. Truly, I don't mean to say they are not important, because they are. Maybe I'm biased and others out there think I'm silly for placing loved ones on a pedestal overlooking my other priorities. But if my eighty year deadline for being on this earth is suddenly cut short tomorrow, or even in the next instant, I know I would not regret prioritizing the love I've nurtured and enjoyed between people who are currently in my life and the ones who have already left it. I have loved my books, painting, experiences, job, and education... but they will not love me back. They will not miss me when I am gone.
The difficult part is when others in your life don't share that same outlook, I suppose. It's not wrong, of course. I'm learning to be more flexible when it comes to having a social circle of people who fundamentally disagree with me, but it's still hard. If you place lower on someone's priority list, does that mean they love you less? Does that mean you love them more? My immediate thought is that it does, especially since I believe that my time is a precious, limited commodity and given the limited hours I have in a day, I want to devote my time to things most important to me. But maybe I'm wrong, I don't know. It's hard to be sure of myself these days when I feel challenged on almost every front.
It also dawned on me that it will be October in three days. 2018 has felt like the fastest year of my life; if there was ever a year in my life that most shaped me as a person, I feel like this year is it. I definitely am a different person now than when this year started. A better one, I hope. With all this internal change, I'm just afraid one day I'll have changed so much I won't know myself anymore. Already I feel halfway there.
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