Brushing Out the Knots (continued)
Who are you, Peggy?
This year seems to be a year-long challenge to an identity I thought I had finally figured out, but it seems that there were still parts of myself I wasn't willing to scrutinize. I was afraid to look to closely at the parts of myself I was ashamed and insecure about. Thankfully the universe delivered a person who forced me to look at myself honestly and wholly.
Who am I?
I have always been and will always care just a little too much about the people and things I love; I will always have trouble letting go and saying goodbye, because it's not in my nature to give up on what my heart has chosen. I often think with my intuition and rationalize with my head after the fact. I love many different forms of art, because art is to me a way of experiencing the world through the heart. I love painting, drawing, photography and I love going to concerts to listen to music and museums to see how other artists experience this same world. I love reading stories to experience more than just the one life I am allotted. Perhaps along this vein, I found myself loving to travel and see the many different ways of life that are not and will never be my own. I might always be a little melancholy, holding the knowledge that there are so many lives I want to live but cannot.
But am I simply just the things I love?
I have also always been and will always be someone who values hard work and building towards a life I want. I want to do meaningful work that will help people who need it, that will benefit and contribute to this world. I want to be strong and dependable, to be able to take care of the people I love. I want to be independent in areas outside of my hobbies and passions to have the means to pursue those things. As much as I label myself a person of emotional intelligence, I also want to be a smart person who rationalizes her decisions, because I know the heart will sometimes simply want and not know what it means to need. I value intelligence: being knowledgeable about certain things, being able to work my way through arguments and defend myself, and being witty. I value and seek the stability and comfort and safety that comes with having home. A safe place full of love and warmth. As much as I seek to live life fully in the outside world, travel, and try new things, I have always wanted to come back to a home that doesn't seem to yet exist. I feel I have found a safe place in the arms of someone dear--but that is future and decision that remains up in the air.
So am I the things I love or the things I value? How do I balance the two within myself, if I feel that I am all those things?
This year seems to be a year-long challenge to an identity I thought I had finally figured out, but it seems that there were still parts of myself I wasn't willing to scrutinize. I was afraid to look to closely at the parts of myself I was ashamed and insecure about. Thankfully the universe delivered a person who forced me to look at myself honestly and wholly.
Who am I?
I have always been and will always care just a little too much about the people and things I love; I will always have trouble letting go and saying goodbye, because it's not in my nature to give up on what my heart has chosen. I often think with my intuition and rationalize with my head after the fact. I love many different forms of art, because art is to me a way of experiencing the world through the heart. I love painting, drawing, photography and I love going to concerts to listen to music and museums to see how other artists experience this same world. I love reading stories to experience more than just the one life I am allotted. Perhaps along this vein, I found myself loving to travel and see the many different ways of life that are not and will never be my own. I might always be a little melancholy, holding the knowledge that there are so many lives I want to live but cannot.
But am I simply just the things I love?
I have also always been and will always be someone who values hard work and building towards a life I want. I want to do meaningful work that will help people who need it, that will benefit and contribute to this world. I want to be strong and dependable, to be able to take care of the people I love. I want to be independent in areas outside of my hobbies and passions to have the means to pursue those things. As much as I label myself a person of emotional intelligence, I also want to be a smart person who rationalizes her decisions, because I know the heart will sometimes simply want and not know what it means to need. I value intelligence: being knowledgeable about certain things, being able to work my way through arguments and defend myself, and being witty. I value and seek the stability and comfort and safety that comes with having home. A safe place full of love and warmth. As much as I seek to live life fully in the outside world, travel, and try new things, I have always wanted to come back to a home that doesn't seem to yet exist. I feel I have found a safe place in the arms of someone dear--but that is future and decision that remains up in the air.
So am I the things I love or the things I value? How do I balance the two within myself, if I feel that I am all those things?
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