I Know How Big the Universe Is

Magnetism

"Opposites come together, look at one another, are reflected in one another, know and understand one another. Love lives on the very border of hate, knows and understands it, and hate lives on the border of love and also understands it."
 - Bakhtin

Bakhtin implies there is cordiality between opposites

I don’t think he knows the agony in magnetism

I found the beginning of the universe in the radio 

the same day I met my opposite:

in the second of bleary static between stations

like the universe had a moment of hesitation 

in choosing whether it wanted to stay

I found the beginning of a new universe

when I met my opposite

and the jagged border running along my heart suddenly ran even

A second of hesitation— but I chose to stay 

by the border. My opposite looked at me and seemed to understand

but perhaps he was afraid of the proximity because

He ripped himself away

abruptly

and I found the end to our universe

A smaller one began in my body 

where my restless mind and aching heart meet

They are mesmerized, terrified 

by each other’s pull

My heart needs to move on

and my mind needs to stop moving 

so frantically, searching for the reason

why didn’t he choose me too?

Modern Dating

I don’t know what caused us to break apart
like cracks on an eggshell, the criss-cross splintering of thin armour
a mirror to what feels to be splintering somewhere inside
myself. I blame myself
for all the unanswered texts that lie forgotten
in the cell phone you reached for
more often than you reached for me.

I spend too many late nights wishing love could be effortless
beauty, like what you used to call me,
so I force-feed my mind reassuring thoughts
that feel like lies
I know they are lies
because if you saw in me what I saw in you
we wouldn’t be another “almost”

Learning to Run With It

Perhaps he chose to run when he saw the way
my heart doesn’t believe in speed limits
or double knotting shoelaces
before running.
(Maybe that’s why the edges of it run broken)
It falls too hard, too soon
never bothering to look down first
because it forgets
that other hearts are not as soft

Cheers! to beginnings and ends

I didn’t think I would fuck myself over
when I sat down at that sunlit table
Clink—
goes my coffee cup
as I set it down before me

It's as blue as my heart would become
But of course I didn’t know that
when I was busy choking on my nervousness
in between sips of my lukewarm latte
Your speckled brown eyes scoff
at my braced elbows trying to camouflage my anxiety
As if spraying perfume in the kitchen would cover up
the sight of dirty dishes in the sink

I set down my coffee cup without taking a sip,
my mouth too full of fuzzy despair
somewhere, Love and Fortune are squabbling over me
Because I always end up on the edge of love
you don’t jump though

Running Into My Reflection

"Opposites come together, 
Look at one another,
are reflected in one another,
know and understand one another."

Bakhtin implies there is cordiality between opposites,
but I should have known there would be agony
in magnetism. I forget that although
opposites attract, it's never by choice
and no one ever said
opposites connect