The Epitome of Me

I am a woman
but I don't want to be
the epitome of
femininity in my girly body;
a mere object of fantasy and overt sexuality,
just as I also don't want to be
just another sweetheart-turned-badass
Pretend to act in the manner of masculinity
just so I can assert authority over my own body
when in reality, I'm only
enabling that emotionally suppressive,
gender-biased toxicity

Ladies and gentleman--you,
curious reader, who acts as my judge and jury
I admit
I am guilty
of denying my values, trimming my sharp edges,
and deconstructing all that is me
into names like "beauty", "sexy",
"motherly" and "modesty",
only to hate myself
because I forgot what it feels like
to feel sympathy for this over-abused body
and treat it with dignity

Please don't
monetize my private parts
I know the rules of your money game by heart
For the rest of this stanza,
make no mistake, I'll take it apart
I want to show you
the best of me, 'cause hell
I don't want to be
your sell-able epitome of femininity
or your fantasy of what "powerful woman"
should be
I just want to be me
in all my emotional, practical,
sensible yet sentimental
shades-of-grey energy
a motherfucking badass
who's got a lot to say,
who won't downplay
any of my vulnerable
authenticity