Entropy

I wonder, if perhaps that first time I felt myself shatter at the core was a process in falling apart to learn all the things I was not--to wander out into the big, wide world to find the pieces through trial and error, to make mistakes and fall in love with the wrong people and places to understand where the outline of myself lies.

I wonder, if perhaps this second time I felt myself shatter at the core was a process in falling back together--to re-fuse those bits and pieces of the person I am within that outline.

I wonder, because this time, it is so much easier to put myself back together, when I can pick up each jagged piece, recognize them, and slot them back into their rightful places. To feel my strength not as something to be summoned, but a firmer foundation that is already there. To feel a blanket of calm settle over its surface where nervous energy used to dance.

I wonder.