Emotional Intelligence
Many people in my life--friends, family, coworkers--have told me quite objectively that I am an emotional person. I'm generally quite even-tempered most of the times, but being emotional to me means that, as paradoxical as it may sound, I think with my heart and emotions more often than I do with my head and reason. Things that are inexplicable usually appeal to me because despite what most people think, they do make sense when you change your lens. When you approach them with an emotional perspective rather than a practical one.
Some view my emotional nature as a flaw. Certainly, many men I've met, including men I've been emotionally attached to, have been dismissive, if not outright, derisive of it. And it hurt. It's not something I choose. But in a society that is built on logic, calculation, and precision, there seems to be little tolerance for emotion-based decisions or viewpoints.
Perhaps I am biased when discussing my own personal qualities, but I view my emotional capacity as a strength. It makes me better at what I am good at, for the simple reason that I love the things I am good at. I don't think love is a feeling or phenomenon that can be held back. It's not in its nature. Love is bold, love is all-consuming, love is decisive, and perhaps that is why I have mostly always been a decisive person when it comes to things and people that matter to me. It would also explain why I can be stubborn as hell.
While some people (mainly friend) have accepted and admired this part of me, I had yet to meet a partner who genuinely likes the way I feel my way through life. Who sees it as a strength, as I do. What a gift and blessing it would be, I often privately thought, to have another person love this fundamental part of me the way I have taught myself to love it. To know that they see it and not feel bothered or burdened by it, the way it manifests in both directions: the highest of joy and the lowest of despair. What a gift that would be, I thought. I used to always dream of meeting this person and wondered what they would be like; I knew for a fact that I would love them when I met them, if only out of their unique ability to see me and love me for who I am. Slowly over time and repeated missteps toward the wrong people, I stopped believing this person existed.
Four months ago, the universe was kind enough to prove me wrong. I admit some days I am not sure, but maybe that is my own insecurity speaking. Either way, I want to believe that I am enough. I want to believe that feeling too much isn't a bad thing, that sensitivity is a strength because it translates to empathy and compassion, that emotional intelligence can be seen as equal in importance to rational intelligence.
Some view my emotional nature as a flaw. Certainly, many men I've met, including men I've been emotionally attached to, have been dismissive, if not outright, derisive of it. And it hurt. It's not something I choose. But in a society that is built on logic, calculation, and precision, there seems to be little tolerance for emotion-based decisions or viewpoints.
Perhaps I am biased when discussing my own personal qualities, but I view my emotional capacity as a strength. It makes me better at what I am good at, for the simple reason that I love the things I am good at. I don't think love is a feeling or phenomenon that can be held back. It's not in its nature. Love is bold, love is all-consuming, love is decisive, and perhaps that is why I have mostly always been a decisive person when it comes to things and people that matter to me. It would also explain why I can be stubborn as hell.
While some people (mainly friend) have accepted and admired this part of me, I had yet to meet a partner who genuinely likes the way I feel my way through life. Who sees it as a strength, as I do. What a gift and blessing it would be, I often privately thought, to have another person love this fundamental part of me the way I have taught myself to love it. To know that they see it and not feel bothered or burdened by it, the way it manifests in both directions: the highest of joy and the lowest of despair. What a gift that would be, I thought. I used to always dream of meeting this person and wondered what they would be like; I knew for a fact that I would love them when I met them, if only out of their unique ability to see me and love me for who I am. Slowly over time and repeated missteps toward the wrong people, I stopped believing this person existed.
Four months ago, the universe was kind enough to prove me wrong. I admit some days I am not sure, but maybe that is my own insecurity speaking. Either way, I want to believe that I am enough. I want to believe that feeling too much isn't a bad thing, that sensitivity is a strength because it translates to empathy and compassion, that emotional intelligence can be seen as equal in importance to rational intelligence.
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