The Modern Hades and Persephone. Part 1.
Spring
"So what's going on with you? Why are you so sad?" V said, as the front door shut behind us.
The night air was brisk and cool, and the stars were twinkling gently from their cloud-dappled perches in the darkened sky. I was silent, contemplating how to form my thoughts into sentences as we crossed the street and stepped onto the crunchy grass. Without thinking, I made my way to the set of swings and planted my sweatpants-clad butt in the swing on the left. V trailed behind me and sat in the one beside it. The school playground was dimly lit from the street lamps on the sidewalk-- bright enough to merit not accidentally tripping over anything but dark enough to see the stars still above me. The thought crossed my mind that they seemed as lonely and as cold as I was. I kicked against the hard dirt to get momentum on the swing. After swinging quietly for a few moments, I answered,
"It sounds stupid and embarrassing to admit... but I'm really, really lonely. And that's not all. The weird thing is that there's this constant emptiness inside me and I can't explain it, but I feel like it's waiting for someone to fill it. I've always felt that way, like I'm missing someone I know but haven't met yet." I continued pumping my legs in the air, tipping my head back to take in the night sky. "I feel like I'm not quiet the person I want to be yet. So maybe it's a good thing I haven't met them."
"And who is the person you want to be? What's she like?" V replied, swaying gently back and forth on her swing. "Not that I think there's anything wrong with you now, of course. But what do you imagine yourself to be like?"
"I picture myself as someone with more ear piercings," I said hesitantly, touching one of the single silver hoops in my ears. God, I didn't realize how childish my feelings sounded out loud. I squirmed a little in my seat. "I see myself having tattoos and wearing black, leather boots with those heels on them. I want to be someone who looks like she has her life together but simultaneously doesn't give a shit." Someone who looks like she isn't as emotional and sensitive as I am, I thought privately.
V laughed and began swinging next to me. Her sneakered toes rose in the air and she tilted her head back too. "She sounds like a total bad-ass. But you know, I know you're lonely but you don't have to do that to find someone. The person who's right for you would see you as you are and like you for it anyway."
For a few long seconds, I didn't respond and instead searched among the stars until I found Orion. Seeing him every night on my walk home from the bus stop had made him a source of comfort. I had always loved the stars and the stories the constellations told, and with my near-obsessive fascination with the idea of romantic love, it was no real surprise that the story of Artemis and Orion stood out to me. I've always had a soft spot for doomed romances. The emotions they elicit are so raw and fill up my entire chest.
A slightly exasperated sigh sounded to my right, bringing me back to the swing on the playground. My chest twisted. Perhaps it was a mistake to talk so candidly about such girlish longings to a friend I hadn't known that long yet. And I live with her, for crying out loud, so there's no escaping any further judgement she might develop about my character. But V only said, with a slight tinge of amusement colouring her voice, "Well, I have a friend that I can introduce you to. Ray. He's probably as lonely as you are. He's been kinda emotionally fucked up by his family and does art, too, so you guys might get along." She suddenly lunged mid-swing and landed a few feet away. Turning around, her features caught briefly in the light of the street lamps and I saw that she was wearing a small, sad smile. "You'll be okay, dude. Just live for yourself for now. Go get those tattoos and piercings. Be whoever you want to be. He'll show up one day."
I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. The uncomfortable pressure in my chest eased until it evaporated with my breath into the night air, and I smiled a sad smile of my own. "Thanks, girl, I appreciate that." I took one last look at Orion, made a silent, earnest wish, and leapt off the swing too.
V snorted and started walking back to the playground entrance. "Oh, don't thank me yet. Ray has this long hair that I've been dying to get him to cut for ages. I don't know, maybe that'll be a deal-breaker for you."
I laughed, a sharp burst that cracked in the night like a gunshot. "I wouldn't worry. I like guys with long hair."
"So what's going on with you? Why are you so sad?" V said, as the front door shut behind us.
The night air was brisk and cool, and the stars were twinkling gently from their cloud-dappled perches in the darkened sky. I was silent, contemplating how to form my thoughts into sentences as we crossed the street and stepped onto the crunchy grass. Without thinking, I made my way to the set of swings and planted my sweatpants-clad butt in the swing on the left. V trailed behind me and sat in the one beside it. The school playground was dimly lit from the street lamps on the sidewalk-- bright enough to merit not accidentally tripping over anything but dark enough to see the stars still above me. The thought crossed my mind that they seemed as lonely and as cold as I was. I kicked against the hard dirt to get momentum on the swing. After swinging quietly for a few moments, I answered,
"It sounds stupid and embarrassing to admit... but I'm really, really lonely. And that's not all. The weird thing is that there's this constant emptiness inside me and I can't explain it, but I feel like it's waiting for someone to fill it. I've always felt that way, like I'm missing someone I know but haven't met yet." I continued pumping my legs in the air, tipping my head back to take in the night sky. "I feel like I'm not quiet the person I want to be yet. So maybe it's a good thing I haven't met them."
"And who is the person you want to be? What's she like?" V replied, swaying gently back and forth on her swing. "Not that I think there's anything wrong with you now, of course. But what do you imagine yourself to be like?"
"I picture myself as someone with more ear piercings," I said hesitantly, touching one of the single silver hoops in my ears. God, I didn't realize how childish my feelings sounded out loud. I squirmed a little in my seat. "I see myself having tattoos and wearing black, leather boots with those heels on them. I want to be someone who looks like she has her life together but simultaneously doesn't give a shit." Someone who looks like she isn't as emotional and sensitive as I am, I thought privately.
V laughed and began swinging next to me. Her sneakered toes rose in the air and she tilted her head back too. "She sounds like a total bad-ass. But you know, I know you're lonely but you don't have to do that to find someone. The person who's right for you would see you as you are and like you for it anyway."
For a few long seconds, I didn't respond and instead searched among the stars until I found Orion. Seeing him every night on my walk home from the bus stop had made him a source of comfort. I had always loved the stars and the stories the constellations told, and with my near-obsessive fascination with the idea of romantic love, it was no real surprise that the story of Artemis and Orion stood out to me. I've always had a soft spot for doomed romances. The emotions they elicit are so raw and fill up my entire chest.
A slightly exasperated sigh sounded to my right, bringing me back to the swing on the playground. My chest twisted. Perhaps it was a mistake to talk so candidly about such girlish longings to a friend I hadn't known that long yet. And I live with her, for crying out loud, so there's no escaping any further judgement she might develop about my character. But V only said, with a slight tinge of amusement colouring her voice, "Well, I have a friend that I can introduce you to. Ray. He's probably as lonely as you are. He's been kinda emotionally fucked up by his family and does art, too, so you guys might get along." She suddenly lunged mid-swing and landed a few feet away. Turning around, her features caught briefly in the light of the street lamps and I saw that she was wearing a small, sad smile. "You'll be okay, dude. Just live for yourself for now. Go get those tattoos and piercings. Be whoever you want to be. He'll show up one day."
I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. The uncomfortable pressure in my chest eased until it evaporated with my breath into the night air, and I smiled a sad smile of my own. "Thanks, girl, I appreciate that." I took one last look at Orion, made a silent, earnest wish, and leapt off the swing too.
V snorted and started walking back to the playground entrance. "Oh, don't thank me yet. Ray has this long hair that I've been dying to get him to cut for ages. I don't know, maybe that'll be a deal-breaker for you."
I laughed, a sharp burst that cracked in the night like a gunshot. "I wouldn't worry. I like guys with long hair."
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